Looks about right

- Bethany

Dearing Estes Jones 1930-2014

I was able to speak at my grandfather's memorial service last week and I truly felt like the spirit of God was present. I want to share the words I spoke here to remember.


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"I thought that when this day came, I would be a blubbering mess. But it's amazing the ways that God can change your heart and your understanding of why death happens. I will be reading what I have written down, because honestly I am terrified of public speaking. I am comforted by what it says in Isaiah 57:2, “For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die.” I want to read a line from a poem my grandpa wrote, titled “The Little Things”:

“But Lord I thank you for the little things! The little bird that visits a prison cell window, with a tune of comfort.”

I feel like everything about his character can be found in that one line. Dearing loved God, he was compassionate, he was generous to a fault, he spoke the truth about Jesus often, and he knew everything came from the Lord. Romans 12:36 says “For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.” Everything that exists is intended for God's glory. Even death. Even sickness. God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him. Meaning, even in suffering and death...if it means you are turning to Jesus, then it is good. Romans 8:17 says “And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory. But if we share in his glory, we must also share in his suffering.”

There has been suffering in this world ever since sin entered the scene with Adam and Eve. Because of sin, we now have death. But because of Christ's perfect life, death on the cross, and then his resurrection into heaven, we now have life. Because of this act, when death presents itself for a believer, we are not to grieve like people who have no hope. “We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.” Romans 3:22.

I say all of this for two reasons. One, it's what Papa would want to be said. And two, I am compelled to speak the truth of salvation and hope in Jesus Christ to all of you. Let me close with a prayer:

God I pray that we wouldn't despair. I pray that Papa's death would point every single person back to you. I pray that many salvations will continue to come out of his legacy. That we remember and rejoice in where he has gone. He is more alive today than he ever has been. Father I pray that we look to you for our comfort. Death happens because sin entered the world. And so when we grieve, let us grieve over sin. I pray that we hate sin, and embrace you instead. Because the wages of sin are death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus. Papa has a new restored body and mind in heaven, and for that we worship and adore you. Amen.”

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- Bethany

Brain Dump

August was a heavy month. I wrote only two posts (1, 2), and they both were written with a heavy heart. My heart was further grieved by the passing of my grandpa, Dearing Jones, on August 28th. And then, on a smaller scale, I've been preparing to apply to grad school/take the GRE in the midst of all of this.

I haven't mentioned it, but my other cat Walter is now gone as well. He went missing two weeks after Riggins. It's just absolutely devastating and I'm not sure the sadness of it will ever fully go away. I am doing much better now, although it's still my last thought every night before I go to bed. Levi and I have continued to have weekly dreams that we somehow found them, or they were never really gone. I still miss my cats so much, but I'm starting to feel ready for another pair. The house is just odd without them. I've started looking at the shelters around here and am hoping to get two young cats at the same time again. Grief is a weird terrible thing that I'm both glad to understand better and sad to know more about.

We had a graveside funeral and a memorial service for my grandpa earlier this week. I always envisioned this day as being full of pain and sadness and loss and tears. And while it was some of those things, it was overwhelmingly about so much more. It was about HOPE. It was about TRUTH. It was about rejoicing in the fact that my grandpa is no longer suffering from a form of dementia. He is restored and he finished the race well. The only person I know who lived a better, more dedicated life than my grandpa, is Jesus. And that's something to strive towards. I feel honored to be a part of his family, to come from his bloodline. I think that every person who attended the memorial service left with a desire to pursue Jesus more and to love people better. I'm going to make a post after this one that includes the words I was able to speak during his service.

You know what's interesting about the month of August though? I was okay. I really was.

It wasn't until I started reflecting back on the past few weeks that I realized just how much I've been going through. I can honestly say that it has only been by the power of the Lord sustaining me through his word that I've made it out. In the past, this type of month would have left me hiding in my closet in a puddle of depression and fear and sadness. But somehow, this time, that was not the case. I prevailed because of scripture. Because of my daily time in the word, the Lord sustained and persevered me. I don't see these hurdles as insurmountable! Praise God! Now, there were still those times of deep sadness, of lashing out at those I love. But it's hard to explain the difference in the way my mind worked. I didn't sense hopelessness. I was able to come back from those emotional sandboxes and regain my footing on the foundation of the gospel.

So here you are. A brain dump in the truest form. I'm both sad and joyful and okay.

Give your burdens to the Lord,

and he will take care of you.

He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.

Psalm 55:22

Where to Give and Ways to Pray

My heart has been extremely burdened by the atrocities happening in Iraq right now. I literally cannot fathom the pain that is happening while I sit here, completely comfortable in my own home. My church sent out an email with specific ways we can pray and trustworthy organizations we can donate to help. I wanted to share this because if you are like me, you are daily trying to figure out ways to help and ways to pray for these people.

Pray:

- Beg the Lord to awaken the world to the humanitarian crisis unfolding in Iraq and to provide pathways for Christians and others to respond.

-Ask God to miraculously protect the Yazidis and other Kurds who fled into the mountains; ask Him to provide a means of rescue and temporary homes for the refugees.

- Pray that ISIS leaders and soldiers would experience the love of Jesus Christ and that their lives would be transformed. Pray for Saul/Paul like conversions.

- Ask God to preserve and embolden the small remnant of believers in Mosul and Kurdistan, so that one day through their witness, every Iraqi might have the opportunity to hear the Gospel.

- Pray that ISIS soldiers would be convicted and stop following commands (I added this one because it's something that's been on my mind).

Give:

- International Mission Board- General Relief Fund
- Baptist Global Response
- Preemptive Love Coalition


Please don't just read this and then go on. Stop what you are doing, say a prayer, click a link, GIVE to this cause. Give more than just your thoughts.

- Bethany

The Worst Post I've Ever Written

Riggins is gone. The best cat, friend, entertainment, companion....gone.

He went missing Monday night/Tuesday morning of the 29th. It's been a little over a week now. I have to write this down because our relationship deserves a goodbye.

I knew that I was attached. I knew I loved him a little too much. But I had no idea the extent of how painful it would be to lose him. I am grieving the loss of one of the closest family members I had. That's what this feeling is.

Not that I have to justify these feelings, but losing a pet is a different kind of grief. Your pet is there always. When no one else is. When you are alone at home, they are there with you. It's a relationship that sneaks up on you because of the sheer amount of time you spend together. Riggins was that for me. He was my constant. He made me laugh. He laid with me when I was sick.

He was all of these things and MORE because of his ridiculous personality. He probably actually hated me. But I loved it. He would give the worst looks, but would never actually hurt me or anyone else who messed with him.

This is the last picture I have of him:

He had been hiding from the vacuum and then just decided to stay there.

For the first few days of him being missing I couldn't even look at a picture of him. I literally could not stop crying. I went through boxes of kleenexes. And all along, I still had Walter, my other cat, there as a reminder. A reminder that I still had him but I didn't have Riggins anymore. I know that it would be cruel to find another home for Walter. But it hurts so much to look at him and just see the fact that Riggins is gone. That's all I see when I look at him. When I try to interact with him I'm just faced with the fact that he's not Riggins.

I only had Riggins for 2.5 years. That's too short of a time to have the best pet you've ever had.

During this horrible time though, I'm reminded of how much Jesus loves me. I'm reminded of that through my relationships and how they handled me this week. I don't know if I've ever loved Levi more than I have this week. He is the most gentle, kind person I have ever met. He spent two days off of work just looking for Riggins. He put up signs, he called shelters, he drove to the shelter every day, he posted online. He searched acres of land. He did it all. It rocks my world to think that there's someone that loves me more than THAT (...it's Jesus). I'm thankful to my friend Ashley. She removed all the pictures I had of Riggins (yes there were that many) around the house and put them in a memory box.

I know that grief is a part of life. There is grief counseling and therapy. I had just never experienced it to this extent. This is worse than the worst breakup, any fight, any loss or pain I've experienced. I know it will get better, and it already has a little bit. This feeling of grief breaks my heart for the people I know who have experienced it. I don't envy being a part of the grief club. And if you think I'm being dramatic, I'm going to need you to go adopt the best pet you could imagine, spend all day every day of 2.5yrs with them, and then have them disappear. Woops, maybe that's the anger stage of grief speaking?