Thursday, December 4, 2014

An Update on Grief

A little over 4 months ago I lost Riggins. And I wrote this post about my grief. I had never really experienced loss before this year. And then I lost my grandfather and my cat companion all in the span of a month. So I didn't know much of what to expect in the coming months.

Turns out, I could expect more grief. The 24/7-ness of the pain has gone away, but when the pain does appear, it's just as sharp and painful as ever. I'm still crying as I try to write this post. I'm still praying that God would just bring him back somehow, that he would just show back up. Levi and I both are still having dreams that we found him. And I'm still so sad that I didn't get more time with him. It's a hard thing to even talk about, because talking about it makes it sound trivial. Like my words can't be enough to do it justice.

I've made all of these new friendships this fall, and it feels weird that none of them knew Riggins. He was such a huge part of our life, and a huge part of me, and now he's just not here. And then I decided to take in a stray cat (which was great!), which led to adopting another cat (which was not great!). And then they both have been sick for the past 2.5 months. Winston is currently at the vet, staying for a week to be shaved and treated for ring worm. And Prez is currently at home literally making me want to punt him all the way to Bastrop. And I'm just missing my perfect cat I used to have. And then feeling really guilty for how much I don't like Prez. And feel really sad for Winston and everything he has had to endure. And basically I'm just having one big fat pity party and it's not pretty. And it's all over CATS. Like really. I am not beyond seeing the ridiculousness of it.

All this to say: 4 months later and I still really miss my cat Riggins. And it still hurts. And the grief is still alive and well.

- Bethany

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